just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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