just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
