just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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