i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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