i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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