office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
