Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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