I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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