my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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