i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
