how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
