4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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