I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
