Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
