I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
