So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
