I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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