I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
