I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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