I'm drive I can fine osifer
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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