it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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