Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
