guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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