Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
