We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bring me that man meat
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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