Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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