The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my shit smells like andre
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
