...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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