You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
