I hate all girls vehemently.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
