Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
