wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
