arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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