i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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