hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
