whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
