I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
