it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
