she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
