i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
