I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
