So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
