Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
