shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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