I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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