So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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