Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
