Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
