So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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