If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
