I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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