I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
