best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
