I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
