im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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