how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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