You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
