I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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