i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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