he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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