I am midnight drunk by noon
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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