Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
