I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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