We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
