he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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