Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
