i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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