And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
